I am not sure why, but I have such a hard time keeping the house as clean as I'd like (and Shawn will wholeheartedly agree!). I'm not sure if it's because it's the largest place I've ever lived (in comparison to the many apartments I've lived in before), or if it's something else. The truth is, a messy house stresses me out. No really, it does! I can't relax and I walk around feeling the stress of the mess (maybe that would have been a good title for this blog).
What I can't wrap my brain around is how I can feel overwhelmed by the state of the house, but don't get that bug to just clean it. In fact, I actually had a bit of an emotional moment last week about it. You know that feeling of just wanting to cry? Not like you are so upset you are crying, but that you are upset and you are looking forward to a good cry. That was me. I just had this general feeling of being stuck in the house because I don't like to disrupt Evan's schedule too much, and being stuck in a house that never seems to stay clean. I just got in a funk.
Luckily, I have an amazing husband that talks things through with me. He admit he is stressed by the state of the house--wait, I need to clarify something real quick: when I talk about 'state of the house', I don't mean gross/dirty. I just mean clutter and the need for a vacuum once-over kind of mess. OK, so back to my ramble..My general complaint was that I could vacuum, sweep, mop and do dishes and by the end of the day it looks like I've done none of those things. Not to mention I feel like I do dishes 100 times a day. I cannot wait for a dishwasher!! It gets disheartening. It's not like it's hard, but it's SO tedious. And then add the guilt of being a stay-at-home mom (that should be able to keep things clean) and let that build--voila! We have a little breakdown.
Now the comment about being stuck in the house is just 'feeling'. When I have things scheduled, I have no problem taking Evan along with me. But when I am at home, thinking about all the steps it takes to go on errands with him, I get overwhelmed and wait until he's napping and Shawn is home. The truth is, I know what I need to do, and how I can get it done. My problem is getting that motivation to actually do it.
And bless my friends who keep telling me that it's OK because I have a baby...I love you guys for it, but he's 1 now and the truth is, there is no reason I can't keep this house reasonably clean. Spotless? No way. But clean--yes. So in talking to Shawn, he felt I really needed to get yoga back into my life. He would work his schedule in any way he could so I could make it to yoga regularly. And then, he started doing a couple of things around the house--not like dishes, which he does at times already, but clean-out sort of stuff.
So, between the amazing effects of regular yoga, a little head start from Shawn, and the determination to get out of this clutter/homebody rut I'm in, the past couple of days have been off to a good start. And on that note, I need to go put away some laundry...
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